From the Mind of a Moron
by livingondaydreams
Summary: A Gabe-centric oneshot, told through the eyes of Eddie, one of the poker buddies. Rated T for language, Gabe, crude humor, Gabe, mentions of abuse, Gabe. R&R


**A/N: Funny what ideas come to you in the midst of a writer's block crisis. Yes, this is short, but I think the subject doesn't have the attention span long enough for it to last any longer. This one focuses on a character who's mentioned probably three times: Eddie, one of Gabe's poker buddies. Well, actually, it's a Gabe-and-Sally "moment" told through Eddie. **

**Rated T for multiple reasons that all have to do with Gabe: strong language, crude humor (if you can even call it that), sexism, and mentions of domestic abuse. And in case you wonder, no, I did _not_ come up with that "joke." Ugh. Pigs.**

**Anyway, I would tell you to enjoy it, but I'm not sure how it's possible to enjoy an insight into the mind of a guy who spends his days sitting around playing poker and farting. So, kinda-sorta-enjoy, and feel free to leave your thoughts in a review! Thanks for reading.  
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><p><strong>From the Mind of a Moron<strong>

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><p>Okay, so maybe Eddie knew what was going on.<p>

Come on, it didn't take a genius (though dear old Ed was far from being one) to figure out the Gabriel Ugliano was a lazy slimeball. The guy literally reeked of unpleasantness—to put it politely.

Since Eddie had started working at the Electronics Mega Mart, though, he had known that Gabe was a useful guy to hang around with. He was the manager of the store, which meant that he had the five things everyone knew were the keys to a great life: a secure job (a.k.a. money), beer, poker chips, a TV with ESPN, and a wife who would cook for him.

Could anyone really blame Eddie for gravitating towards that? Gabe had a man's dream life—well, except for the kid, but he was away at school for most of the year, so he didn't really count.

Once you got into the upper circle of the Mega Mart's management, your headquarters became the Ugliano-Jackson residence in Upper East Manhattan, where you could enjoy nonstop sports, beer, food, and poker. Eddie was assistant manager, because he was second only to Gabe in his poker skills, so he got paid more to spend more time living life to its fullest. He often reflected that he had the best job in the world.

Their "budget meetings" were the best—he and Gabe only had to come up with some fake-but-believable numbers and the eggheads back at HQ would be satisfied and tell them over the phone what a great job they were doing in these difficult economic times, and they could count on a big fat pay raise coming soon. Once the call was done, Eddie and Gabe would crank up the ESPN, tell Sally to get some beers, and get back to another roaring game of poker.

"Gabe?" Sally called from their apartment's small kitchen. "Do you want the rest of the meatloaf?" They'd just finished a veritable poker marathon with two of the other guys from management, Bobby and Eustace. Gabe, as usual, had won, but Eddie was proud to say that it was close.

"No shit, Sherlock," Gabe grunted. "As long as it's edible this time."

The others laughed loudly while Sally came in holding a plate of what looked like last night's dinner, along with four more beers. That woman knew how to keep men happy, Eddie thought contentedly. He noticed that her hands were clenched pretty tightly around the edge of the plate, but he passed it off as hormones. Women were such complicated creatures.

"Hey," Gabe said, nudging Bobby's belly with his elbow as his wife set the meatloaf down in front of him. "I heard a joke yesterday."

"Yeah? Let's hear it, then." Bobby tore his gaze from the television to look at Gabe.

"What does wife stand for?"

Sally placed Gabe's beer in front of him with a little more force than necessary. Eddie thought he saw something dark on her cheek… eh, it wasn't that surprising. Gabe had mentioned "teaching her a lesson" before, and Eddie should've figured what that meant.

He almost missed the punch line.

"Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc." Eddie and the rest of the management guys guffawed at Gabe's joke as Sally walked stiffly back to the kitchen. None of them noticed; they were already back to a new game of Texas hold 'em.

Yeah, maybe Eddie guessed what was going on. But Gabe had the five things that made any guy's life great: money, poker, ESPN, beer, and food.

So he didn't let it trouble him too much.


End file.
